Grief Counseling

When Is It Time for Grief Counseling?

**I am an approved Grief Counselor by David Kessler,

Did you recently lose someone you love? Is the pain so overwhelming that you can’t seem to stop crying? Or even want to go out with friends? The pain from losing a loved one can really stop us from feeling like doing anything. You might have even lost the feeling of caring about everything else, including yourself. You can’t seem to get through a simple task without going back to the pain that seems to never leave , for long enough.

The loss may have been medically expected or terribly unpredicted. Do you feel like you should be having an easier time because your loss was expected? All loss is REAL and what matters is how you navigate the path of grieving, to move forward and find healing. Whether you just lost a pet, a person, a marriage, a friendship, a role, a job, the list of loss is endless. Grieving is hard work.

Long Hallway Lined With Windows and One Person

None of us enter into a relationship with the intention that one day the person we have come to love will leave us permanently. Either through death, divorce, grown and flown, the reality is we all face grief and loss. After loss, you are presented with a complex puzzle where you have so many pieces to put back together.  Part of the puzzle involves our emotions connected with our loss.

This Pain Just Never Seems to Stop

The level of difficulty in grieving depends on 1) the relationship with the person/thing you lost, 2) your coping skills dealing with difficult emotions, 3) the circumstances that led up to loss and 4) the support you have around to help you.

All people hurt and experience emotional pain while grieving. You’re tolerance to this emotional pain sets the beginning stage of coping with loss. Some people have a great support group where they can be surrounded with love and understanding.  Others have poor coping skills and will turn to alcohol and other drugs to numb their pain.

In order to get to a healing place where your loss does not hurt as much, you have to allow yourself to feel your feelings. Are you feeling alone in your grief despite having a good emotional support system? Are you uncomfortable talking about your emotions with others because you don’t want to upset them anymore? Do you feel people are getting tired of listening to you and your pain? Feeling stuck in sadness, loneliness and hopelessness?

I’m on an Emotional Rollercoaster

Most people are not taught how to grieve which leaves many people unprepared when loss happens in their lives.  Many grief questions arise such as:

  • How do people grieve?
  • Is there a right or wrong way to grieve?
  • What am I going to do without my loved one?
  • Why do I feel calm one minute and then I’m filled with such intense emotions the next?
  • Could I have done anything differently that would have prevented my loss?
  • Why didn’t I tell them how much I loved them?
  • Why do my loved ones and I have such a different experience after the same loss?

A Rollercoaster

There is no wrong way to grieve, but grieving will feel uncomfortable. Are you feeling okay one moment and then you’re crying the next? You may still be trying to understand the why’s of your loss or maybe you know why but can’t seem to get out of feeling angry that your loved one is gone. Grief hits us as an unexpected storm, even if we knew the prognosis was inevitable. Loss is more complicated when we are totally blindsided. Any type of loss is a change and this change creates a need for us to change.  Most of us are uncomfortable with change especially when it demands that we step completely out of our comfort zone.some


Grieving is not Linear

Grief is Not Linear and Not DescriptiveThere are 5 stages of Grieving.  Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance.  David Kessler recently wrote about the 6th Stage of Grieving, Finding Meaning.  These stages do not have a beginning, middle nor an end. Which stage are you feeling stuck in? Out of most life experiences, we all need help.  Getting married, having a baby, moving to a new home. In Grieving, we all need help too.  Are you unsure how to get the help you need? Does everyone else seem to be doing okay and you feel like there must be something wrong with you because you can’t even get through your anger? Did you just start believing that you were doing well and now you are experiencing all those emotions you hate and just want them to go away?

No matter what you’ve lost, life is complicated, especially when it comes to our emotions.  We can go to bed feeling one way and wake up feeling another.  Feelings are fickle, but they are not here to hurt.  Your emotions are a compass to your heart and your heart knows how to grieve.  You just may not feel comfortable enough to walk this journey alone.  Or maybe you need someone to talk with to sort through some difficult emotions.

Pain is Inevitable, Suffering is Optional

A Sand Maze to Represent GriefWhen there is loss in our lives, you are forever changed. Although you want to do things the same way you always have, you have changed.  You have had an experience that shifts something inside you causing you to respond differently, and that’s okay.  There are new ways of doing things, seeing life and better coping skills to learn.

If you are feeling stuck in your emotions, whether your loss is recent or from past, counseling can be the key to learn how to move through your pain. You don’t need to suffer, you just need to have some direction on how to move forward with your loss.

If you are having a difficult time navigating through the maze of grieving and would like to talk with someone who can help you find peace and heal after your loss, please contact me.  Call now to see how counseling can help you.


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249 East Main Street Suite #3
East Setauket, NY 11733
(631) 406-3139

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